What is the comedy routine about a cocktail party?

Cocktail Party Chaos

(The comedian is on stage, holding a martini glass with a confused expression.)

So, I went to this cocktail party the other night. Now, I'm not really a party person, I'm more of a "stay home, watch Netflix, and eat pizza" kind of guy. But this was a special occasion. My friend's sister's cousin's dog was getting a new chew toy, and apparently, that warranted a lavish celebration.

(Takes a sip of the martini and grimaces.)

Let me tell you, it was a sensory overload. There were like, three different kinds of hors d'oeuvres just on the table in front of me. And I'm talking fancy stuff, not your basic chips and dip. We're talking shrimp with something called "citrus aioli" - which, by the way, sounded way more delicious than it actually was.

(Gestures wildly.)

The music was so loud, I could barely hear myself think. And everyone was talking at once, I felt like I was in some kind of human beehive. You know what I mean? It was like everyone was trying to out-chat the other person, just to prove how interesting they were.

(Pulls a face.)

Then, of course, there were the drinks. You know, the kind that are all fancy names and come with tiny umbrellas. I tried this one called "The Hemingway," which I swear tasted like a wet sock with a hint of gin.

(Pulls a small, crumpled napkin from his pocket.)

And let's not forget the "networking." I swear, every time I tried to enjoy a conversation, someone would interrupt to tell me about their "business opportunity." I think I had to listen to three different pitches for pyramid schemes before I finally managed to slip away.

(Looks sheepishly at the audience.)

I'm not sure what's worse, the actual party or the awkward conversations afterwards. "So, how was the party?" they'd ask, and I'd just mumble something about "interesting" and try to change the subject. Because let's be honest, the only thing "interesting" about that party was the fact that it was over.

(Takes a dramatic sip of the martini, winces, and holds it up to the audience.)

So, if you're invited to a cocktail party, do yourself a favor and bring a good book and a pair of noise-canceling headphones. You might just make it out alive.

(Throws the martini glass into the air, with a dramatic flourish.)

The End

(The comedian takes a bow, the audience erupts in laughter.)